I must confess, when I am having a really bad day, Facebook is the last place I should be! It’s like walking into an ice cream shop when you’re on a diet! Everyone has the life I want, and I can’t have the ones I see!
The past few years have been some of the most challenging as a parent. Regardless of the decisions I make, I feel like there is never a good one to fix the problems! I’ve found myself preparing for a pity party more than I’d like to admit! My heart and mind are fashioned now to anticipate the worst, and when something familiar begins to rear it’s ugly head, I instantly have an anxiety-filled-knee-jerk reaction!
Our online study Alone In Marriage finished the Fear and Self-Pity chapters, and really they could have been one long chapter like Ezra and Nehemiah! Fear feeds self-pity and self-pity feeds fear!
Susie shared with us that we have a “pain pendulum” and it compels us to react like we did the first time we were hurt. She explains that until we resolve our painful past experiences, they will “continue to translate into current wrong beliefs.”
I realized that if I didn’t acknowledge the fear I had about my daughter, then I would continue to believe my greatest fear. And if I continued to believe my greatest fear, then I would continue to sit on the pity-pot at my own party!
Susie went on to address the difference between grief and self-pity. She shared that “self-pity is grief’s counterfeit” Ouch!!!
I’m happy to share that once I began to acknowledge who God is in my daughter’s life things began to change! The situation may not have changed, but my outlook on the situation was drastically different! I reminded myself what His word says about my children. I began declaring God’s promises to me because I raised them as unto the Lord. And I called forth the promises of God for all those called by God. I could now lay down my fear, which starved my self-pity, and allowed me to feel the pain of the past, grieve for what’s been lost, and begin to learn and heal.
Let the praises of God be in their mouths, and a sharp sword in their hands Psalms 149:6
Here are 3 practical steps to move you off the pity-party and beyond fear to faith:
One: Ask the Lord for a scripture to pray over your marriage, finances, children, job, or whatever the struggle is right now. Our most powerful weapon is the one we’ve been gifted to use and, nothing, not spirit nor flesh and bone, can withstand it’s power! For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires. Heb. 4:12
Two: Stop feeling sorry for yourself! Get up off that pity-pot! Ask God to open your eyes to see things as He sees them. Open my eyes so that I may see the wonderful truths in your instructions. Psalm 119:18
Three: Give yourself permission to grieve the loss of expectations, visions, or relationships, then begin to pray that the Lord would give you a new passion for what’s ahead in your future. May He grant your heart’s desire and make all your plans succeed. Psalm 20:4
Lending A Hand…
In our study the Lending A Hand portion gives practical steps to help overcome your circumstances. Maybe this week you’ve decided to run from the compassion of “fools” and stopped feeding self-pity, or you’ve determined to not make decisions based out of fear! Please share some of the steps you’ve taken and revelations you’ve received. Your story just might be the encouragement for another!
Hello Beth,
I enjoyed your Bible study Stronghold to Stronghold about a year ago. I appreciate your blog and your message that you have to all of us. I noticed you had a new online Bible study called Alone In Marriage. I purchased the book the other day on Amazon and it seems like it is exactly what I need. My husband and I are recovering after his 3 year affair and it has taken more of a toll on me. I spent the last three years on my knees, and he spent the last three years doing bad things. We have both changed, but I want to forgive and trust. I want to save a19 year marriage. I believe that the Lord has delivered us through the most difficult part of it. It is the aftershock and living with the memories that is hard. What can you tell me about your Bible study online? Thank you for listening. Thank you for your big heart to want to see lives change through Christ!
Smiles,
Sunny
Hi Sunny,
I remember you from Stronghold! I am so glad you got the book. Feel free to follow along with us. I am so sorry to hear about the affair, but I am so proud of you for fighting for your marriage! God will honor that! Forgiving and trusting is such a faith walk and a choice we make. We either choose to put ourself out there at the risk of being hurt again, or we stay on the hamster wheel of “what ifs” and never move ahead. Feel free to email mail me anytime you want to talk!
{hugs}
Hi Beth,
There is the big issue of finances hanging over our marriage right now. I was off last year on Stress Leave (a whole other story for a dif. time) anyway, while off and in a program to deal with Work Place Stress we were to fill out temporary disability papers. Well that time frame the State was transitioning to an electronic system so anything received in that time period was put in a gigantic pile of To Do. I was off two months….it took the state two and a half months to process my and other people as well claims for that time period. Needless to say I was back at work when I finally received the “Temporary disability” then the state tried to revoke it and not pay me. I had to go through the process of proving I was in this program, and show that I had spent all of my Savings to keep us afloat. Ok so, that is the back story and we all know events tend to have a ripple affect. We are right now still recovering from that mess. In the interum my car breaks down, still sitting, thank the good Lord we had two cars. To sum it up our finances are topsy turvy but I have given it to the Lord and I know he will guide us through this. Because of the high gas prices and the poor gas mileage of our only car I have not been able to physically attend service at TFH Vacaville far drive from Vallejo right now. Thank goodness for Online Church. I have however through our giving program at work been able to donate to the Imagine campaign and fulfill our obligation. what I am trying to say is I know God is in control and I need to keep that in the forefront we have what we need food, shelter, clothing, the basics to keep the house going etc. This chapter really “smacked me in the face” so to speak and so I picked myself up dusted myself off Thanked God for everything the good and bad and left the Pity Party behind.
Thank you for this study.
Hi Jeannette,
Thats a very difficult situation to be in.
Lord, I pray for Jeannette, I pray father that you help them pull he pieces together after so many derailments in their finances. I pray father for supernatural provision and wisdom on how to manage what they have in order to get ahead. I pray that they would get into a small group on finances so they can learn your way above all ways. I thank you that Jeannette can fellowship online and go to church online in this season. Thank you for providing for her in this time of need! You are such a good and loving God who cares about all our needs. In Jesus Name we pray! Amen!
{hugs}
Beth