As women I’m convinced we have a worry chromosome, because worrying comes way too natural for us! Most of the things we worry about never even happen! It’s almost like we think by worrying we are creating a forcefield around our situation to prevent bad things from happening. Be encouraged about the things we are worried about on today’s video blog, and take the challenge to push the negative thoughts about the future out of your mind this week!
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Hi Beth,
Thank you for your amazing video blog on worry. I tend to do enough worrying for my entire household! I worry about trying to keep the kids on a schedule, finances, work, home life, you name it I worry about it!
My husband on the other hand (will even admit) that he doesn’t worry because it takes up too much time/space in his head. This leads to a lot of disagreements in our household. I have been off work (on maternity leave) since mid-June and during the leave I broke my foot and had to be out of work on disability for 8 additional weeks. I have been worried to death about finances lately. I am making 1/2 of what I normally bring in, and my husband’s work had slowed down leading to a decrease in hours and pay. Mix all that with a newborn and 3 other kids…my worrying about all of this has gone through the roof and often leads to anxiety and then anger.
While I am freaking out on a daily basis and calling our utilities and making payment arrangements, my husband is at the complete other end of the spectrum. At some points this becomes very frustrating. He simply replies, “We can change what is going on right now, why worry?”
I am at a loss with all of this and instead of trying to heal/recover from a C-section and a broken foot, I am running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to hold everything together while not focusing on worrying. Yet it always rears its ugly head.
This week, I would like to focus on not worrying…my mind needs a break! I am also going to focus on living in the present moment. This is going to take some major effort!
Hi Stephanie,
Thank you for the comment! Wow! You do have a lot going on right now. Unfortunately, as much as you’d like to make your husband take a greater concern in your circumstances, you cannot force him, too. I could imagine I would feel like it’s my responsibility to worry if no one else will. However, worrying alone solves nothing. Sitting and assessing the situation and coming up with a solution does! Susie talked about taking the initiative in our study on page 38. Maybe go back and re-read that area and ask the Lord to really sink that into your heart.
Also, you may want to approach your husband from a different angle. Instead of telling him how frustrated you are about always being the one concerned about your situation, calling the utilities, and the worry you have overall for the family; maybe speak to him how it makes you feel when he ignores situations. Pray about your real feelings. Are you feeling abandoned or like he doesn’t care enough about you and the kids to come up with solution. Do you feel unsafe and vulnerable because of his apathy? I don’t know how you are really feeling inside, apart from angry and worried, but if you pray and ask the Lord for the right words, and to prepare your husband to hear what you have to share in love, you may be shocked at the positive outcome. Maybe together you and your husband can come up with a game plan. Or maybe your husband can share some of his techniques with you on managing stress.
It is not our responsibility to carry worry because someone else won’t. Worrying doesn’t resolve a single thing only actions do. You’re husband is correct in the fact that if there is truly nothing you can do, then worrying about it solves nothing other that weighing you down and driving you nuts! If however there are things you can take action on together, like adjust your budget, share the load with the children, work out a schedule where you can have a little more rest, split up the responsibility on the finances, pray together about the job and financial situation in your home, or go meet with a financial counselor, maybe join a Financial Peace Small group, or brainstorm together so you feel like the two of you have a partnership in the situation all may help you work through some of the feelings like it’s all up to you!
Remember the scripture in Ephesian 6:12 For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. As much as you may feel at times like your husband is your enemy in this situation, he is not. However, the real enemy, has every intention on destroying your marriage and your family! I would encourage you to love hubby in spite of his apathy, forgive him for abdicating his leadership role, and purpose to pray for him and to love him more. Keep your eyes fixed on God so you can weather this storm and come out stronger and wiser than ever before!
Blessings to you Stephanie, I will be praying for you, your husband, and the stressful situation you are in!
Beth