When Kaitlyn was around 18 months, she woke up one day and began testing the waters of who was in charge. We were moving from Montana to Florida, and I felt like we’d literally packed up one child and unpacked another!
I called the church we’d left for some parental guidence, I knew I was in over my head. I can’t recall a lot of what the conversation entailed, but I do remember one statement he said, “Stop being a lazy parent.” Those words shocked me! I am sure that there was some good advice floating in that conversation, but I couldn’t hear it. I just kept playing over and over that I was a lazy parent! I didn’t feel lazy… I felt exhausted! Can you get exhausted by being lazy?
Since then we’ve read every parenting book under the sun. We read Dare to Discipline, by Dr. James Dobson, and tried Growing Kids God’s Way. We gave it our best effort to mold our children to be like the Ezzo’s children, but to no avail, we failed miserably!
We moved on to Dobson’s Strong Willed Child, and I do remember attempting a lot of what he suggested, but I can recall reading one part that struck total fear in me. He said that sometimes parents can raise their children right, do the best they know to do, and still end up with rebellious out-of-control children. I remember being terrified that we would end up with an out-of-control child!
We tried several more types of parenting books, like Have A New Kid by Friday, and Loving Our Kids On Purpose, as well as a few ingenious ideas of our own. We even fell back on the creative ways of our parents (sarcasm there), and it seemed like nothing would last.
Nothing made the lasting impression that I thought it would. Could all of these parenting books be wrong? Or am I really what that pastor said – the dreaded lazy parent! Compared to some parents, we definitely weren’t measuring up!
Looking back on things, now that we’ve got a sixteen and fourteen year old living at home, hindsight affords the wisdom on what we’ve done right and what we’ve done wrong – up to now. 😉
I believe we’ve been lazy at times, not the intentional I don’t care about you lazy – we were inconsistent lazy; human nature makes it easy to be inconsistent. We’d over-think things, and struggled with our yes being yes, and our no being no. Not because we didn’t want to be good parents, but BECAUSE we wanted to be good parents!
I say it all the time, before I had kids I knew the best way to raise children. After I had one child, the majority of everything I knew didn’t work, and after I had the second I was convinced I knew absolutely nothing at all!
The jury is still out on our parenting talents, since we are still in the throws of raising them… but I’m pretty confident there are parents doing it better, and some doing it worse, but God knew the type of parents we would be and granted us the joys and struggles of parenting both Joshua and Kaitlyn.
We rarely stand with unshakable confidence knowing we are doing it right, but we know without a doubt we love them beyond imaginable. We never stop trying to be better parents, just as our children never stop trying to be better people.
The crazy thing about being a parent and being a child, is neither of us get a practice run… it’s all OJT! Some days we pick it up fast, and other days it’s like we can’t even get out of the starting gate!
As a mother, I am so grateful for a God who loves us enough to grant wisdom when we lack, encouragement when we want to give up, and the fact that He sees our heart and knows it. I am grateful for a patient and loving heavenly Father, who is a perfect example of both mother and father for us to glean from. And last but not least, I am grateful for the gift of forgiveness, when we or the kids blow it, it’s our heavenly do-over button!
If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and He will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. James 1:5
Let’s Chat: Do parenting books work for everyone? What is the best book you’ve ever used? What do you find the most difficult part about being a parent? As always, I love to hear your thoughts… we can’t all go out to coffee together, but we can share our ideas and maybe inspire or help someone else!
There’s nothing like being a parent to show you all your flaws! But it’s even worse being a grandparent, cause now you worry about your kids making all your mistakes with your grandkids! That’s not just cause you want to protect your grandkids, but because you want to protect your KIDS from your regrets. It really drives to your knees, and thank the Lord, He is gracious to give grace for the past AND the future!
Oh Linda so true! But what a gift to have not just a praying mother, but a praying grandmother. Mothers move mountains, grandmothers move kingdoms! Blessings to you!