New Beginnings… Again

The retreat house was primed with prayer and praise. Remade’s ministry team and board members sat around the living room as the prophetess began to pray.

You could feel the anticipation. There is nothing quite like God speaking to you prophetically. They are usually confirmations of whispers only He would know. And the words leave you feeling seen — a spirit to spirit seen.

Tom and I were holding hands on the couch. Brandi — my right arm girl — sat to my left in the oversized chair. I slowly lifted my head and opened my eyes to steal a glimpse of the team. It was as if their hearts were almost visible on the outside of their chests awaiting an individual love letter from God.

Not Quite What I Wanted to Hear.

Remade was five years old and the ministry was thriving, growing, and we were all holding onto limitless hope for the future. Speakers, writers, and ministers seated in the chairs anticipating confirmation and fresh revelation. Just being there was like living in something I had only imagined in my dreams.

I don’t remember much after she began prophesying over me. I was trying to make sense of a word that wasn’t making sense. What did she mean God was zeroing things out, starting over, but not to worry because it was a good thing? I thought we were just getting started and now God was saying He was going to start over! How could this possibly be good?

That was almost three years ago. Re-reading that prophetic word today, I am not sure how much was God or just her filtered understanding of what God was saying. But I cannot deny the words “zeroing out some stuff that needed to be zeroed out, and starting over in some areas.” because that is precicely where I sit today.

Holding On Didn’t Stop Anything.

Regardless of how tightly I attempted to hold on, I have watched God remove things like my church of 14 years. Friendships and ministry partners. I have watched dreams be born and then disassembled. I experienced my team relocated to new spaces and places. And last weekend I let go of the final thing built in the first six years of ministry — Remade Mentorship.

None of these things left painlessly. No, in fact most of it felt like God ripped an organ out of my body. But every time I let go of whatever He was removing the void was filled with an unexplainable peace.

Finding the Beginning Again.

I find today especially apropos being Remade turned eight years old last month, and eight is the biblical number of new beginnings. I think it’s God’s way of calming this naturally untrusting personality of mine and reminding me; He’s got it all under control.

So what’s ahead… Well, a lot actually. First off, it’s time to write again. Last year God gave me the outline of something quite amazing and now I feel released to write about it. Second, Remade is still here to stay, but it’s here God’s way. I’m done filtering this ministry through the lens of my old leadership influence, and whatever is being tossed out there by other ministries.

I’m now walking in a confidence I didn’t have before. It’s faith that God placed this ministry into my hands, and like my mentor and board member John has been telling me again and again — trust that Beth! No more doubting I’m hearing from the Holy Spirit or trying to keep up with Susie-so-in-so. Nope, I’m so over that! God has a special assignment for Remade Ministries and I can’t wait to watch it unfold!

My Hope for You.

Friend, I’m learning to do life with God just like everyone else. I may have been given a ministry but I certainly wasn’t given a superpower to know all the answers. I have run off the road into my fair share of ditches and climbed back out again. But this is one thing I know to be true. He’s ok with that. He’s still flowing through me, ministering to others with me, and God is not afraid of my mistakes, misunderstandings, wrong turns, or dead-ends. He willingly fills the gap with His grace and uses the lessons to make me more into His image.

So I hope, if nothing else, you grab this take away from today’s blog. If you feel you’re too late to enter the race, veered off track, or perhaps missed a turn altogether, I’m here to say that is so far from the truth. God hasn’t gone anywhere. He hasn’t changed his mind about those dreams He placed in your heart, or the giftings He’s given you. In fact, He’s using your perceived mess to enhance His message in you! So hang on, and get back in the race whatever that looks like for you!

All my love and friendship,