{It is with such pleasure that I introduce Amy Cutler from Forever Beloved. I fell in love with Amy when I stumbled upon her blog over at Christian Blogger Network. Her down to earth writing style just drew me right in. I love how she blogs about her “littles” and her posts on the dailies of country life. She’s just one of those girls who you want to be around. The kind that taking long walks with would be fun, and sipping lemonade on the porch would be an endless conversation of everything and nothing all at the same time! Please give a warm Remade welcome to Amy! Show her how much you appreciate her by sharing and commenting on her story!}
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Oh the day I chose faith over fear, I remember it as if it was yesterday. I remember so vividly sitting in the middle of my floor, sobbing, and looking at the calendar and thinking “this is a date I will never forget”. On that July 19, my life changed.
I stood in the middle of my living room in disbelief. Did he really say he was leaving? It seemed as if things were moving in slow-motion around me. I could hear words being spoken but I was unable to focus on any of them.
I sat on my bed while he packed his clothes. I cried, begged and pleaded. I said everything I could think of to change his mind including “I can’t live without you”. But he continued to pack. I tried to stand in front of him, but he just patiently waited for me to move. His decision was made. As we both stood at the door, crying, I felt this overwhelming peace cover me. I turned to my husband, looked into his eyes and told him I forgave him. Not only did I forgive him but my door would be open any time he wanted to come back.
I watched as he drove away. I was broken. Totally broken. But in that moment of brokenness somehow I knew exactly what I needed to do. Even though I had ignored God for years, in that moment He was seeking me. He was nudging my heart, telling me to come to him. I went into the living room, gathered my littles around me and we got on our knees and prayed.
Those first few days alternated between complete fear of being alone, heartbreak and anger. Time after time I would gather my kids into the living room, get on our knees and pray.
Not long after, on a Sunday morning I gathered my littles into the living room. I turned the TV on, searching for a sermon. I stumbled across a sermon by Jonathan Falwell. As he started speaking, it felt as if he was speaking directly to us. As we heard his words, our hearts were calmed. The first words he spoke were:
“When we realize that we don’t need to figure out why things happen, when we know that we can’t make it alone, we can’t make it on our own, we can’t find our way by ourselves, it frees us to understand God’s grace and God’s provision in our lives.”
The days were still sometimes filled with struggling and grasping for anything that would help keep me afloat. I struggled daily to put a smile on my face for my children and friends. I knew I had to be strong for them, I had no other choice. I told them all I was doing fine when really I felt as though I was dying inside. On those days, throughout all my fears, I clung to one verse. It was my life vest. “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.“ Joshua 1:9
God started to bring my heart-problems to the surface. He showed me that my relationship with Jesus had taken a backseat to life, along with my marriage. Actually, Jesus wasn’t even in the backseat, he was in the trunk. I did not have time for Jesus to trip me up when I was busy living the ways of the world.
He also showed me that I couldn’t change my husband. There was only one person I could change: me. Jesus said, “You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye” Matthew 7:5. Once I realized that, asked for forgiveness and started to nurture my relationship with Jesus, that’s when things started to change. That’s when I started to change.
Once my change started, God wiped the fears from my mind and replaced them with hope. I had hope in the Lord restoring my marriage in HIS time. Hope is so important, and realizing that was a pivotal turning point in my life and essentially my marriage. Hope motivates us to make positive choices in life and marriage and to get our relationship with Christ right. Having hope gave me the desire to search MY heart and have Him reveal the parts of my heart that broke His heart.
I prayed, trusted, stood for my marriage and allowed my fears to be washed away. I knew Gods will would be done in His timing, not mine. I handed my marriage to Him and waited for His intervention. Three months later, my husband returned home! I am so thankful that our love story didn’t end there, that it did indeed have more chapters to it. When you allow God to rescue you, the reward is so worth the wait! I am eternally thankful that our love was rescued by God. I adore the beautiful God-scripted love story I have.
