{It is with such excitement that I introduce the amazing blogger, Brandi Rennemeyer, from Faith 2 Shine. I have enjoyed reading her incredibly eloquent blog posts. She has such a way with words that will draw you into whatever she’s written. Make sure you stop by her page and check out her work. Please welcome her into the Remade community with lots of comments and shares!}
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Hiding in the closet while my guests congregated in the kitchen, I threw a tantrum. I called my girlfriend and bawled across the wires,
“She’s flirting with him RIGHT under my nose! And what’s worse he’s flirting right back, I JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND!”
“I did it again, I fell for a guy that was never interested in the first place. I gave my heart and soul and once again it got shredded”.
“I am so tired of this hurt, this vulnerability, these dashed hopes…”
I was so afraid of losing something I hadn’t yet had the chance to hold.
I had known Mr. Heart-Throb for a whole year before she walked in, in all her cute southern self. He and I had already shared so many laughs, projects and made memories along the way. I had taken what I thought was a whispered promise from God and given myself permission to be distracted by hope.
Back in my closet I found myself recognizing just how broken my heart was over this man, this promise. It wasn’t just that he was giving her the attention I so craved; it was that I thought God had promised me him. I was crushed under the weight of doubt. I feared I hadn’t heard God. I feared I’d let my emotions expose me and that deemed me unlovable. I feared rejection. I feared I wasn’t worthy of such a promise.
The guests all went home, the solitude settled around me, and as I picked up dishes and wiped down counters I began to gather the pieces of my shattered heart. This wasn’t my first rodeo, but this time I was disenchanted with the game, frustrated at the repetitiveness, and embarrassed by my vulnerabilities. I had nowhere else to go so I took the pile before the feet of God in a late-night, Kleenex-covered prayer.
It was messy. But He can handle messy. The Lord began to wrestle out my anger and hurt, refusing to let me harden, and refusing to let me give up on the promise. He insisted I stay vulnerable to Him. Instead, He asked me if I was willing to trust Him that this promise of marriage was true no matter what choice Mr. Heart-throb might make.
“Do you trust ME?”
In all my brokenness with trembling knees, I said ‘Yes’.
It was there I realized that faith isn’t an action. It is an attitude that produces action. Faith isn’t a grandiose feeling of hope and it most definitely isn’t an optical illusion (like the bridge in Indiana Jones’ Holy Grail). Faith is choosing to keep your eyes on Jesus and not the outcome, believing in the midst of it all that God is good, He is Holy.
I had to take my eyes off the diamond ring and instead keep my eyes on my savior. It was OFTEN a moment by moment choice. I let go of each moment of doubt by reminding myself, “no matter the outcome I choose to trust God to be God”. We don’t have faith in outcomes; we have faith in the Holy God Almighty.
This lesson has played out again and again in my life. I saw it there in a long line desperate for medication to prevent yet another miscarriage, clinging to the hand of a Holy God. I clung again to His hand while lying in a pool of blood on a hospital bed. Faith in the One True God.
No matter your hearts cry, no matter the circumstances surrounding your whispered promise, God is holy and His love for you endures forever.
Do you trust Him?
What a joy it is to be with you all! Thank you so much for having me. I pray you hear God’s whispers of strong love today!!
Brandi, it’s been one of my greatest joys getting to connect with you! Thank you for sharing your story!
Wonderful read, Brandi. I, too, have struggled with taking my eyes off of Him and focusing on the want right in front of me. I especially liked it when you said this: “It was OFTEN a moment by moment choice. I let go of each moment of doubt by reminding myself, “no matter the outcome I choose to trust God to be God”. We don’t have faith in outcomes; we have faith in the Holy God Almighty.”
Oh, how TRUE it is that it is moment by moment. I sometimes think if I get my fill of Jesus I’ll be good for awhile. As though I’m filling a tank. But it’s a constant need and, one that if I remove my eyes from, I fall to temptation and putting my faith in the wrong things once again.
Love your story, friend!
I love the transparency here, Jennifer! Thank you so much for sharing!
Jennifer Frisbie,
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Jennifer!
What a cool visual about how it’s not filling a tank. You are right it isn’t- it’s coming to the river and staying planted there.
Thank you for joining us here on the porch to talk about Faith!
What a beautiful story of releasing faith over fear, Brandi. You are so right when you say faith is an attitude that produces action. That’s a great sticky statement…that really sticks! So glad you are writing your story and sharing it with the world. We need your words and your heart. xoxo, Meredith
I second what Meredith says! It’s a powerful story – one that shouldn’t be kept hidden!
Meredith,
Thank you so much for your encouragement! I treasure it from both you and Beth, what Godly examples you both are. Isn’t it crazy how much healing is released in our own lives as we step out and give voice to the story God is writing within us?! I have been humbled by this process for sure!
Blessings,
Brandi