I Have MS (Martha Syndrome)

It doesn’t get any easier! Twenty-one years and three months since I recommitted my life to Christ, asked Him to never allow me to wander again, and it’s still a challenge to make spending time with Him a priority!

I look at myself in the mirror and just shake my head! Really? What’s you’re problem, girl?!

My problem is I have  MS (Martha Syndrome). Oh you didn’t know that was a syndrome? Oh it is… I envy the women who have its sister syndrome – Mary. They can sit silently, patiently, and contently before the Lord’s feet eagerly anticipating His next word!

Here is what my first TWO MINUTES of quiet time would look like if someone mic’d my internal dialog.

Awe… {I let out a deep sigh} Jesus, here we sit, you – me – the sun – and the silence… {crickets…}

hmmm… {I let out another sigh} What would you like to talk about today, Lord?… {crickets…}

Huh, I wonder if the kids cleaned their rooms before school?… {oops}

Lord, you were going to say?… {crickets…}

Don’t forget to take the meat out for dinner… hmmm I have to get a few more Drops of Encouragement out… What should I blog about?… {check my text messages}… I’m so far behind on everything… I cannot forget to get that chapter read, and post a video blog – ugh, I hate making videos!… {check Instagram}… huh, the workshop… what’s the Lord going to say… oh and I could probably ask the girls to… {oops}

Oh, Lord, forgive my ever wandering mind! Please silence my thoughts so I can hear only you!… I have got to BE STILL!… {fidget, wiggle, fidget, wiggle in the chair trying to find rest}

Everyday there is this fight for my undivided attention. On days like that I wish God would just usurp my will and make me still!

During seasons in life when I’ve practiced waiting and truly nailed down the ‘be still‘ part, I can enter into His rest instantaneously. However, if my quiet time has been put on a back burner for the sake of a busy life and my never-ending to-do list – entering into his presence looks like a bad ADD day!

Why oh why, Lord, do you put up with me? I so desire the sister syndrome with a content and quiet spirit, but He didn’t wire me like that!

What does a girl do when she suffers from MS? She accepts herself for what she cannot do, and becomes ridiculously dependent on God for what she NEEDS to do! 

…”My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 2 Cor. 12:9

There are 3 things I am certain I cannot do apart the power of Christ in me!

1. I cannot minister. I am just completely incapable of maintaining any form of creativity, open heaven, or line of communication with God without sitting and soaking in His presence
2. I cannot mother. When I haven’t sat at the feet of Jesus, the old me seeps into the tender areas of my children’s lives, and I am just not a very nice person! All the good in me is Christ Jesus. All the wisdom I have is from Christ. Apart from Him I’m basically empty!
3. I cannot be a helpmate. Apart from the presence of God flowing through me, I am a critical, complaining, and an irritable woman! God bless my husband who loves me in spite of these negative qualities! He’s a saint! In Christ, He softens my words and replaces my critical spirit with His mercy and grace.

Even though being intentional with God sometimes feels like such hard work, I know I can’t live without it. It’s natural for me to work, plan, and administer. It’s not natural for me to be still and rest! In Him, I can find my balance, my rest, and the power to overcome my weaknesses!

When I find I am feeling empty, grumpy, and impatient the fix is not complicated. I simply MUST carve out time to respond to the still small voice who has been quickening my heart to go away with Him.

I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. John 15:5

NOW YOUR TURN: Do you have a Martha or Mary Syndrome? How do you find balance?