Woman: I know when he’s been drinking, and I ask him every time, and every time he lies. It always causes a fight, and I am so tired of the fighting…
Me: Why do you ask him the question, if you already know the answer?
Woman: I want him to know, I know.
Me: Maybe try taking a different approach. If you already know the answer, don’t ask the question. Try coming from the angle of support. Then he might not feel the need to lie. He feels shameful already, and the lies just heap more failure on him. Instead, you could try gently saying “Honey, I see you had a bad day, I know you can overcome this, I believe in you, and I’m praying for you.” He needs to feel someone believes in him, and you are the most influential someone he has.
That was a snippet of a meeting I was in with a woman the other day. It was one of a half-dozen I’ve been in over the past few weeks with regards to marriages. Each circumstance had something unique, but the common denominator was the same – the enemy was seeking to destroy what God put together.
In Mark 3:25 it says, A house that is divided against itself, that house cannot stand. And the enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy John 10:10.
I’ve been seeking God and asking, how as wives, we can become an asset to God, instead of a tool in the enemy’s workplace?
My answer… ENCOURAGEMENT and PRAYER.
Our job as a believer is to build one another up. Therefore encourage one another and build each other up… 1 Thess. 5:11. This includes our husbands – even if we feel they don’t deserve it!
God created us women as very influential and powerful beings, and He wants us to use our influence to encourage our husbands to be victorious. He wants us to pray powerfully for that victory to come to pass! If your husband is battling in pornography, alcoholism, drugs, rage, or whatever else, then deposit courage in him by your words of encouragement!
As wives, there is no one connected to our men with more influential power than us! The enemy recognizes our power, and enjoys using our influence to divide our homes and destroy our husbands!
If your husband is a believer, then he already knows what he is doing is wrong. So, leave room for the Holy Spirit to work and convict. Ladies, that means keep the lips shut! The Holy Spirit does not need our help in the area of convicting people. What God can do in a moment of conviction, we can delay in a second of condemning!
Instead of telling him how he’s failed again, encourage him that he can overcome this battle! Tell him you believe in him, that you will pray for him, and be quick to forgive.
Work as his helpmate on the journey to overcoming his captivity, not as a warden of the prison to keep him a captive to shame.
PRAY don’t nag… Pray him into a small group, pray for godly connections in his life, and share with God, not him, your frustrations about his constant setback.
ENCOURAGE don’t condemn… encouraging words propel him farther than condemning ones, but one condeming word will drown out a thousand encouraging ones!
Give it a try and send me a message and let me know how it worked for you!