Every parent begins their parenting dreams with a better version of themselves. For Christian parents, there is a lot of pressure to do better, be better, and expect more. Leslie Leland Fields, shares in her article “The Myth of the Perfect Parent”  that we’ve christianized a cultural belief of determinism, and as a result we now subscribe to the doctrine that Christian parenting techniques produce godly children.

I wholeheartedly believed in this. I was determined to raise my children right. I declared Proverbs 22:6, Train up a child in the way they should go and when they are old they will not depart from it. So, when I started seeing our first born wrestle with her faith, I didn’t respond well. I looked at it as a problem to solve and something to prevent. And now that same Proverbs had became a stumbling block. It wasn’t working and I didn’t know what to do. I moved from training her, to playing the game for her. I stopped partnering with God, and attempted to become god in my child’s life.

It’s NOT About Me

How is it that God can make something my children are going through about me? I mean come on, it’s about their issue not my issues. God was using this trial to expose some false beliefs I had agreed with.

As the gap between my daughter and God grew wider, and her choices became more opposite of her upbringing, my urge to run interference only increased. Our daughter was now the quarterback, her faith was the ball, and I was the offensive lineman determined to get her to the End Zone — only I was failing.

She was not returning to God and now I was angry with Him. We read the books, we raised her in church, my husband dated her, we prayed and fasted but where did that get us? I now believed God was withholding something from me that I had earned – my child’s thriving relationship with Him.

My TURNING Point 

God rescued me from the perfect parent myth through a scripture.

Psalm 119: 29-31

Keep me from lying to myself…I have chosen to be faithful; I have determined to live by your regulations… Lord, don’t let me be put to shame!

In that moment I did three things:

  • Stopped Lying To Myself: God loved all of me. I allowed my lack of seeing results cloud the truth of His love for me.
  • Remembered the Truth: God loved my daughter far more than I did, and His plan for her was perfect — even if it didn’t look like my original plan.
  • Made A Declaration: I declared that no matter what her faith looked like, I had chosen to be faithful long before my daughter was born. And because I had trained her up, the truth was in her, and in the end we would all stand shameless before the Lord.

God delivering me from my false beliefs transformed the way I walked with my daughter through that season. Do you have a prodigal? What truths are you wrestling with in this season? Leave me a comment below and let’s chat.

Stay the course, friend, together we can make it!

PS… I want to invite you to join me for #mentormonday. A live chat on Monday’s at 3:00 p.m. PST. Tomorrow I will share how we walked with our daughter while she was walking away.