Season Of Solitude: Where’s Remade?

The price of salvation is a free gift, but it will cost you your life…

When are you teaching again? …Why are you not blogging as much? …I miss your posts on Facebook. …What’s next for Remade? …What are you doing? …Where have you been? …Is Remade still around? …Did you quit? 

These have been the recent comments and questions coming my way…

Shortly after May, I could sense the Holy Spirit drawing me into a season of solitude. I wasn’t too thrilled with idea. In fact, I was down right confused. I felt like things were just beginning to take off.

I had several speaking engagements lined up, my women’s study was in a pilot phase, I was praying over a publishing contract, getting ready to launch an online Bible study, and I was networking and making connections in women’s ministry like never before! In the natural, everything seemed to be moving in a normal progression I would have thought it should be going.

Yet, in the spirit, I was wrestling with something I could not put my finger on. In the Spirit, my mind seemed confused, empty, and uncertain of what God’s heart was for His people. I kept hearing myself ask God, What do you want from me? Who am I in you? 

I could sense a longing for something more, but I had no idea what the more was.

Since then, God’s had me in a season of limited writing, speaking, and ministering. I’ve had to say no to some things I would have normally said yes to, and I’ve spent days feeling pretty alone inside.

Yet, when I’m in the Word and resting before the Lord, or when I allow my heart to say, I’ll stay right here until you say something… anything… then the still small voice becomes a roaring lion in my spirit!

His voice draws me close, and the Spirit of God leads me to places I have not been in years. My heart races in excitement from the revelations He’s showing me, and an unquenchable thirst for truth burns out of control. I find myself searching the scriptures with a voracious appetite!

There are days my spirit cries out with deep moaning, as I pray without care for time, and uncontrollably weep for the heart of God to be revealed to His people.

But, without fail, when I step outside of the secret place for longer than a day or two, my eyes go back to the natural. I see people moving forward, ministering to the broken, teaching the word, speaking the truths of Christ, and I sit comparing my life to theirs thinking I am doing it all wrong. Ignoring the very truth of Galatians 6:4-5:

Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else. For we are each responsible for our own conduct. 

This back and forth wrestling match with God, I’ve come to learn is a season where the Lord is teaching the flesh to submit to the Spirit. I cried out to God over and over, wanting to know, that I know, that I know it is Him and not me… and that cry has led me to this season, where He’s teaching me how to live out Galatians 5:25-26

Since we are living by the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives. Let us not become conceited, or provoke one another, or be jealous of one another.

I’m not in a super fun season, but at times its the most exhilarating thing I’ve ever experienced. Only to fall back down and feel like I’m the lowest I’ve ever been.

Today I read the words of Paul, and I felt like it summed up what God is trying to form deep within me:

We live in such a way that no one will stumble because of us, and no one will find fault with our ministry. In everything we do, we show that we are true ministers of God. We patiently endure troubles and hardships and calamities of every kind…We prove ourselves by our purity, our understanding, our patience, our kindness, by the Holy Spirit within us, and by our sincere love. We faithfully preach the truth. God’s power is working in us. We use the weapons of righteousness in the right hand for attack and the left hand for defense. We serve God whether people honor us or despise us, whether they slander us or praise us. We are honest, but they call us impostors. We are ignored, even though we are well known… Our hearts ache, but we always have joy. We are poor, but we give spiritual riches to others. We own nothing, and yet we have everything. 2 Cor. 6:3-10

So, to finish this blog with the answer to those questions: I am still here, and Remade isn’t going anywhere, but together we are seeking the face of God like never before. And I am convinced that when this season is over, and God releases us to move forward, He’s going to have something amazing to say!

I hope you’ll stay around to see what that is…

Thank you for your love, prayers, and support!

Beth and The Remade Team!