I stood there, the silence all around me. The trees swaying just outside the front window, and the clouds tipping low. It was so quiet. Tears began brimming over my eyelashes as scenes over the past month flashed through my mind.
I placed the laptop next to the recliner and put my shoes by the door. My suitcase opened on the bed, but not unpacked. I hadn’t yet embraced this solitary stay. I wasn’t totally convinced I could do it. Tom and kids followed me up, and I was resisting the urge to jump back in my car and follow them home again.
What was I so afraid of? Want the truth? I was afraid I wouldn’t hear God to write the words on these pages.
I took a deep breath and sat down. It was then that I broke open. Tears moved from the edge and streamed down my face like water pouring over the falls. The cabin, this weekend get-away, it was all a free gift but it had been a battle to get there.
Through my tears, I asked, God, how can I write now?
The months leading up to this moment had been filled with some really hard days. I injured my shoulder in a fall, and it left me incapable of raising it more than a few inches from my side. There were days the intense pain was all I could focus on. The three hour drive to the cabin, while beautiful in scenery, had inflamed the arm and I didn’t know if I would be able to sit for any length and write. And, just to add insult to injury, the night before I left the doctor finally released me to travel after a month fight with pneumonia and two hospital visits. Just walking from the car up the cabin stairs caused me to pull out the inhaler.
Six months earlier I set out to write this book with the perseverance of a lioness. And life hit me hard and I was in a tailspin. I sat in the solitude of my friend’s cabin and unleashed months of pent up anxiety and fear. As I cried, He poured out an unexplainable amount of grace. Like the rain covering the earth outside, drop after drop of peaceful love filled me that first night. Leaving the computer silent on the table – I chose to soak in His presence. I didn’t want to miss a drop.
The first night was an evening of praise and gratitude for getting me there. He was so worthy of my worship, and I was so undeserving of His grace.
The presence of God in us produces the power of God through us…
Were a few of the words that flowed out of my pen and on to the pages of my journal that night. Those pages were transformed into some of the sweetest paragraphs of Chapter Three.
The days that followed were not what I expected. I had envisioned long savory walks in the woods; sunshine snuggles on the couch and words pouring out onto the computer like a raging river.
It wasn’t like that.
But it was full of grace, gratitude, and a REALLY good hamburger at the local restaurant. Tucked up in that cabin God reminded me, it’s not what I bring to the table, it’s what I allow Him to do through me in spite of all my inabilities.
What is God calling you to do that appears impossible? Let Him take you there. “Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matt. 19:26
Friend, just a few more days and we unleash a book and video series that is like nothing I could have imagined. Are you excited? My heart is racing! I can’t wait to walk this journey with you.
Almost to the end,
What a blessing this journey has been for you and those of us that have followed you in it. Looking forward to your workshop and the release of your book and video series. Thank you for all that you bring to us.
Thanks for this wonderful sharing, Beth. Isn’t it great that sometimes God’s plans and His ways aren’t what we always expect! Thanks for the reminder that He is in control and loves us! God bless!