Giving Up The Grudge

My thought process regarding forgiveness used to go something like this:  If someone did something that hurt me, and I got angry, I believed there was a designated amount of time I should harbor the anger and withhold forgiveness.  Then, when I had been angry for a sufficient amount of time, and they had apologized, I would then relent and forgive them.  I had wrongly concluded that the length of time in harboring the ill will should reflect the grievousness of the offense.  It was my way of punishing the offender – with my silence, icy stares, and condescension.  After all, they needed to somehow pay for what they had done, right?  Besides, I couldn’t imagine simply forgiving them right off the bat, without proper penance being paid.

My belief was that if I forgave someone, I was “letting them off the hook” and somehow putting a stamp of approval on the behavior I was forgiving.  If I forgave them, I would be giving up my right to hold it against them, and then what would I have left to hold over their head to duly punish them?  I felt a need for justice, and since I was the wronged party, I should make sure they paid appropriately for the crime they committed.

Thankfully, my renewed mind, (praise Jesus) takes an entirely different stance on the act of forgiveness.  I have realized that if you choose not to forgive, you are actually giving the person who wronged you power in your life.  You are allowing that which has hurt you already, to continue to rob you of your present peace and joy, and also your future happiness.  You simply cannot move on and be blessed when you are harboring anger and bitterness.  Someone wise once said, “You can be bitter, or you can get better.”

Imagine being attached to someone by a thick rope, and dragging them around by that rope everywhere you go.  This is an arduous task, requiring much energy, and every time you turn around, ugh, there is that awful reminder of the pain and distress they have caused you.  You are essentially allowing the injury to dig deeper and deeper into your soul, and to hurt you repeatedly.  The truth is, when you forgive, you release yourself from the negative tie that holds you to that person.

Also, we are called to forgive others as Christ has forgiven us.  “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you.”  Matthew 6:14.

That sounds spiritual and wonderful, but what do we do practically about a heart that is wrenched with pain, injured by someone’s thoughtlessness or even out-and-out betrayal?  What if your mind knows it needs to forgive, but your heart says no?

I remember a time in my life when I prayed a prayer that went something like this, “God, I am so hurt and angry at this person that I don’t want to forgive them.  I need you to make my heart willing to be willing to forgive.”  That was step one for me.  Over time, after praying that prayer asking for my heart to become willing to forgive, God changed my heart, and I was ready.  Then I prayed for Him to help me to actually forgive the person.  And when that happened I was set free!  So, ultimately, God calls us to forgive because it is healing for us.  It is a gift we give ourselves.

Prayer:  God, thank you for forgiving and loving us when we were unlovable, and for sending your Son to die for the sins we have committed.  Please help us to remember the sacrifice you made, and to extend your grace into the lives of those who may have wronged us.  We ask that you would lift the burden of unforgiveness from our hearts, making way for your peace and freedom.  We praise you for your faithfulness.  In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.

{NOW YOUR TURN} Have you been holding onto a grudge, no matter how small?  What can you do today to apply mercy and forgiveness to that situation?